Growth beyond comfort | Nerd Fitness

Stephen Wilson Jr. was a scientist who worked for Mars, Inc. (Yes, the Candy Company).

One day his boss pulled him into the office and said something that changed his life:

“Steven, you’re about to be promoted.”

Normally this would have been a cause for celebration, but it was instead meant as a warning from his boss.

In a past life, Stephen was a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.

His boss knew that Stephen was a damn good songwriter and where he really belonged.

He told Stephen about the golden handcuffs:

“You’re in line for promotion and they’re preparing you for the next level.

And you’re kind of at a crossroads.

Because if you take (a promotion), like I took 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter, they’re gone. This will eat away at every part of you.

Right now you can write songs and do this job, but in 6 months I’m not sure you’ll be able to. So I just want to warn you.”

That tiny voice in Stephen’s head, which had been there for years and years, began to grow louder.

6 weeks later, with that inner voice now deafening, he put in his two weeks’ notice, which baffled to everyone (except his boss and his wife).

He started bartending and waiting tables to make ends meet while honing his craft, trying to get country music publishing deals…while being rejected for not writing ​“bro country” songs​:

He was told, “you write REAL songs. We can’t do anything about it…”

Years later, after some modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally gathered the courage and experience and power to start recording his own songs.

And last year he finally released his debut album, Daddy’s sonwhich Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.

Recently, Stephen dropped a ​a stunning cover of “Stand By Me” by Ben E. King,​ which I have listened to approximately 10,000 times in the past month.

(Seriously, watch this video. You’ll get chills!).

Golden handcuffs against unpleasant expansion

From 2008 to 2010, I also lived a double life.

I had a day job at Sixthman, helping promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent nights and weekends working on a small website helping geeks get fit.

My boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the business) both knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the awkward future of trying to fit Nerd Fitness into my career.

16 years later, we’re still going strong!

At Oliver Burkeman’s ​Four thousand weeks​he encourages us to ask specific questions when making decisions in life:

“Where in your life or business are you currently seeking comfort, when a little discomfort is needed?”

Asking “what would make me the happiest” will most likely lead us towards a short-term, comfortable and safe option.

Instead, we should be thinking about which path will make us GROW as a person, or which version will cause us to SHIN each week. Probably, deep down, we know the answer to the question, if we have the courage to ask it.

Burkeman’s advice:

“Choose an uncomfortable increase over a comfortable decrease whenever you can.”

Yes, sometimes chasing a “cheesy raise” doesn’t result in a songwriting contract or successful business. I chose the uncomfortable path and sometimes things don’t work out. But it’s part of the process and at least it removes the potential for unhealthy regret!

Which brings me to today’s mission.

Let’s take it easy with the uncomfortable

We are chasing an uncomfortable expansion in 2025.

• When we strength train, we make our muscles uncomfortable by lifting heavier and heavier loads – they respond by growing and adapting.
• If we use food as a coping mechanism when we’re sad or angry or bored, dealing with our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
• When we have uncomfortable conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for things that matter to us.

In 2025, let’s ask the question:

Where in your life you live comfortably in comfort and safety, when deep inside Do you know that the path of “uncomfortable expansion” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?

Maybe you won’t have to quit your job right away, or you’re going all-in on a new goal or change…

But it might be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.

Life is hard and change is harder.

Uncomfortable.

Terrible.

Untidy.

But if you’re willing to say NO to comfort, it might be just what you need.

-Steve

PS: ​We are doing a free 5-day workshop​ for people who want to build new habits that will really stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!