I want to die but I want to eat Tteokbokki

For South Koreans, tteokbokki is more than a snack. It is food for the soul.

This sweet and savory dish made with chewy rice cakes is an integral part of Korean street food culture and is loved by people of all ages.

It’s the food students turn to after long days of school, and as adults, you reach for it after a hard day’s work.

So when readers came across a book titled I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki in 2018, many were immediately intrigued. Its honest but catchy title sparked curiosity, some wondering how much you have to love tteokbokki to write an entire book about it. Many were soon drawn to his raw honesty.

It instantly became a bestseller that was widely discussed and deeply resonated in Korea. this week Baek Se-hee, the South Korean author of the book, has died aged 35. Details surrounding her death remain unclear. The fact that the Korean Organ Donation Agency said that Beck saved five lives by donating her organs highlighted her desire to help others.

Her death at such a young age brought deep sorrow to readers who found comfort and understanding in her words. Social media and blogs were flooded with tributes and personal stories from those her books helped, while news outlets around the world reported her death prominently.

At its heart, the book is a record of Beek’s conversations with her psychiatrist as she dealt with dysthymia—a mild but persistent type of depression—and anxiety disorders. Through these sessions, she talks about her daily struggles—like overthinking what others think, obsessing over her appearance, and struggling with self-doubt. Instead of exploring clinical depression, she reflects on a gentle melancholy that many can relate to.

What makes her story so compelling is her candor. She captures that delicate human contradiction of living weary of daily sadness, along with the simultaneous desire to carry on. Just like a comforting meal of tteokbokki on a difficult day, her words offer warmth and understanding, reminding readers that even in vulnerability there is strength.

• A list of UK organizations offering support and information about some of the issues in this story is available at BBC Action Line. If you are outside the UK you can visit Friends website.

One of the many young people the book resonated with was Jo Yoon Bit, a 25-year-old student at Korea University in Seoul, who found it helped her deal with uncertainty about her future.

“All generations in Korea tend to compare themselves to what others are doing and the achievements they’ve made, and that only fuels the competition,” she said. “But I liked this book because it seemed to send the message that it’s okay not to live up to the standards set by society.

“One of the most memorable passages in her book is that I am one of a kind in this world, and that alone makes me special. I am a person to take care of throughout my life. The more I look into myself, the happier I believe I will become.”

“For me, it offered comfort that it’s okay to not be perfect, and at the same time, it reminded me that I’m also a person who needs to be nurtured and cared for.”

The relentless competition from school to the workplace, coupled with the pressure to meet family and societal expectations, leaves many young South Koreans feeling discouraged. In a society still influenced by Confucian values ​​such as righteousness and obedience, mental health issues remain highly stigmatized and many feel a sense of shame or social judgment.

Beck’s book overturned the idea that social success is the ultimate measure of a life well lived by openly addressing the mental health issues that many often face, thereby showing readers that acknowledging your emotions is the first step to healing.

Sangeun Lee, a primary school teacher in Korea, told the BBC that the book had a particularly special meaning for her for this reason.

“With the rise of social media, we are exposed to other people’s lives too much and it makes us increasingly critical of ourselves,” the 35-year-old said.

“Being imperfect is natural for everyone, but seeing so much of this kind of information can feel like an attack on yourself, making you wonder if it’s even okay to live the way you live. This book encouraged me to accept myself as I am.”

The book’s popularity has had a real-world impact, encouraging many people struggling with depression to seek professional help. She also brought mental health issues into public conversation – RM of BTS, the world-renowned K-pop group known for songs promoting self-love, is among those who shared the book online.

Beck’s pages resonated far beyond South Korea. First published in 2018, it has sold more than a million copies worldwide and has been translated into 25 languages. It sold 100,000 copies in the UK within six months of its release.

It appealed to young women and played a significant role in expanding the reach of Korean literature. Marianne Shooks, a high school teacher in London, told the BBC she felt a connection to it and was deeply saddened by Beck’s death.

“Her book tells you that if you’re feeling depressed or you feel like you’re having problems, you’re not the only one. She had all kinds of problems, from tiny little things to pretty scary. I think anyone who reads this book can find something they can relate to.”

Seunghye Sun, director of the Korean Cultural Center UK, said that “it is extremely symbolic that Baek Se-hee’s voice found resonance in the UK, where great psychoanalysts like Freud and his daughter explored the human mind,” in the process of expanding the spectrum of K-literature and K-culture.

Her book tells a story that transcends generations and borders, sending a quiet but warm message to countless nameless readers around the world.

After all, the paradoxical title “I want to die, but I want to eat Tteokbokki” may actually be another way of saying “I want to live.” Even in moments of deep despair, people often find the strength to carry on through small joys.

For her, this joy was tteokbokki and shows that even the most ordinary pleasures in everyday life can become a sustaining force.