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Being recognized as a sustainable person feels great. Testing out the difficult moments that are being built resistance is less glamorous.
Developing emotional endurance or the ability to withstand stress or discomfort without letting negative emotions ahead of you can help this process feel less exhausting and more soon as an opportunity to learn and grow, Colombia University psychologist Becky Kennedy He tells CNBC to do it.
“The more we understand that powerlessness and struggle are actually a sign that we (we are learning), not a sign that we are doing something wrong, it becomes much easier to tolerate,” says Kennedy, based in New York clinical psychologist and hosting the podcated “Good Inside”.
You can get to this state of understanding by following these three steps, she says:
Keep a visual comfortable
In February Instagram reelKennedy explained that the training happens between the space to know and not know something.
You do not always instantly acquire knowledge where you have had one before, and the process of receiving from point A to point B may feel disappointing, Kennedy says. When you start a new job, for example, you will most likely need to learn some new skills, make some mistakes, and encourage some new relationships before you start feeling comfortable in the role.
The path between knowing and not knowing something is much more more like a winding line than straight and narrow, says Kennedy – so when you feel disappointed, remind yourself that learning takes time. You can do this by drawing or looking at a simple script diagram like this:
The diagram of Dr. Becky Kennedy, showing the space between knowledge and not knowledge.
Ashton Jackson
“Having some kind of visual for yourself is very, very useful,” Kennedy says. “Every time you try to do something new when your voice starts to say,” Oh, that’s too difficult. I can’t understand, “the visual gives you a different story.” I am in the study space. I’m right where I have to be. It just happens to be complicated. “
Participate in a positive self -talk
If you are constantly saying “it’s too difficult” or “I will never get there”, you start to believe it. Move your internal dialogue to something more positive, supportive and understanding, Kennedy advises.
Try to say something like that, she says, “It feels difficult because it is difficult. I haven’t understood it yet and I can continue to try. I can take a breath and rest and go back when I’m ready.”
Even if you do not believe what you say to yourself, going through movements – essentially, falsifying it until you do – will help you, because practice will help you feel more harmful in time, she says.
“The self -talk is very powerful. How we ultimately feel something is a combination of feeling and how we talk to ourselves about feeling and we cannot change our feelings, but we can change the way we talk to ourselves about our feelings,” Kennedy says.
Positive self -speaking can improve your coping skills and build your mental power by allowing you to make more effort than you think you are capable of a 2020 Study Posted in the Journal of Sports Science and Management. This can increase your internal motivation and even help you enjoy learning more, the study has found.
Get a small experiment
Start with small goals Instead of expecting yourself to quickly reach your long -term vision, Kennedy says.
If you set a huge goal and do not reach it, you are unlikely to try again at any time, she says. If you want to be more active, commit to take a 20 -minute walk three times a week instead of trying to hit the gym for an hour each day, for example.
“Take a small experiment that feels uncomfortable for you: I’ll talk to my boss about those things that upset. I’ll have this conversation with my friend,” Kennedy says. “These are small experiments that say to your body,” I am a person who can be in the training space and tolerate discomfort. ” The more our body learns that we can tolerate this space, the more we are able to tolerate it in other areas. “
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